Euphemisms

Righty: Euphemisms? They’re not for me. Like all hardworking, God-fearing, pro-life Christians who support family values and the Patriot Act, I favor unvarnished language that tells it straight.

Lefty: Euphemisms? A truly diverse, gender-neutral, pro-choice, humanist society (like the kind we advocate) has no need to hide its progressive values behind deceptive terminology.

The New Moderate:

Euphemisms are elaborate verbal disguises for ideas that your opponents might find unpalatable. They conceal your political agenda behind soft-focus phrases and hazy idealism. Who among us could be opposed to "family values," "diversity" or "affirmative action"? Would anyone other than a suicide bomber object to a "pro-life" philosophy? Or "pro-choice," for that matter?

By using euphemisms instead of hot-potato terminology, ideologues like to think they can sneak their controversial ideas past their opponents’ radar. Why talk about reverse discrimination when you can say "affirmative action"? Why use ugly terms like "pro-abortion" and "anti-abortion" when "pro-choice" and "pro-life" sound so much sweeter? Nearly everyone hates atheists, but who would deny the renaissance appeal of "humanists"?

The problem with euphemisms is, of course, their fundamental dishonesty. No enlightened moderate should tolerate such wanton abuse of the language in the service of extremist agendas (or even moderate agendas). Before you know it, the government will start referring to unprovoked wars as exercises in "spreading freedom." They could even pass a bill to curtail our civil liberties and call it "the Patriot Act" or some such nonsense. Keep your eyes open for clever euphemisms and treat them as a deadly menace.

Summary: Euphemisms are calculated to conceal potentially unpopular extremist political agendas. They’re fundamentally dishonest and should be sniffed out by all thinking moderates.